Fun at the zoo

We have been trying to spend more time at the zoo since the weather is a lot cooler. The girls love it there. I even used it to bribe them after all getting their flu shots.

starting with lunch with the fish, turtles, and alligators

followed by some silly pictures on the komodo dragon statue. It is always a favorite picture place for the girls

such a great big sister

silly and sweet

sorry about this one being sideways, but I can't seem to fix it easily, so I guess just hold the monitor sideways.

they eveuntlly all passed out one by one



poor Truly didn't even care her nose was all squished



Some silly girls at swim lessons

The Greatest Mom in the World

Sorry again for being away for so long. This time it is for a very different reason. I had been stalling on finishing my previous post for some time becuase I knew that this would be the next one. After three months, I was able to start this post, but a month and a half later, I am still drudging through a thousand emotions trying to figure out where I am in life. I have no idea what to say. I so badly want to skip this part, but this is my life and my mom never skipped over anyone or anything. I owe it to her to finish this so my OCD self can move on to where I can get back to sharing all the wonderful things that have happened since she passed. There have been so many wonderful things, but so many tears too. I am still angry a lot that she is not with us. She did so much in the time she was here. I can say that I know my mom knew how I felt about her and I knew how she loved me and my family. We had a wonderful relationship and I am so greatful that we always took the time to make sure we each knew that.

I still can't believe that any of it happened. The day after Mother's Day was a busy day, but started off and was looking like it would end just like any other day. I worked, met the family at gymnastics class, we had dinner, then just after the kids were in bed, I got the worst call ever that I will remember forever. My sister called me from my mom's phone and all she could manage to get out was, Mom is dead you need to get home. I fell to the floor and the rest is a blur. I somehow managed to get calls in to my work and Madison called my Aunt Sherry and Uncle Tommy to let them know. I called my brother Aaron and he had gotten a similar call from my sister. We had no idea what or how. Later we found out my mom collapsed as she was making her way to the bed to watch a television show, from what we now know was a fatal heart attack. She never had chest pain or shortness of breath. No symptoms that pointed to a heart attack.  She had no idea she had any sort of coronary artery disease. Then, out of the blue......she's gone.

I made it back home by the morning, thanks to my Uncle Tommy and Aunt Sherry who drove all night to get me there. Madison followed a couple of hours behind with the girls because he had to repack our half unpacked suitcases from our Albuquerque trip. It was surreal walking into the house. Mom wasn't there, but that was ok, she was probably just at work.....right? Funny how your mind does things to protect you. Lots of love, hugs, and tears, food and family, we managed to carry out mom's wishes which thankfully with the passing of her father just three months earlier, she had made known to my Dad.

Mom was cremated and we took her ashes to Grand Isle to spread at sea. It was one of the most peaceful things I've ever done. She was so claustrophobic and setting her free like that just felt so right. She was so much to so many people that it was like we set her free to be with everyone. She had an amazing ability to be so ordinary, yet bring out the extraordinary in everything and everyone she touched. She made everyone around her look like a superstar. She kept everyone going by giving herself at any moment, at anytime to help you sort through whatever. She divided herself and time among so many of us, yet you always felt like you were her first and only priority. Learning to live without her is such a challenge. I leaned on her so much every day. For a while I wondered if I was even capable of being the same person without her. I consulted her on everything. Even if I knew what I was going to do, I would run it by her just to have her stamp of approval. Who is going to do that for me now? There is no one that could do it like her. Even in everyday mishaps, she had an uncanny ability to always help you to see a situation from all sides. Always helped you to see it from the other person's perspective. She kept me and my hot little head out of a lot of trouble that way. I hope I can be as considerate a person on my own without her daily guidance.

So where am I now???? Still confused, sad, a little angry. A new idea I am finally wrapping my head around is the fact that I am somehow upset about her not being here.....but for what? The life I thought she should have? What I had planned? But it isn't about MY plan....it is GOD's plan. She was never supposed to be here right now. I was not supposed to have her to run things by for the next 20 years. She lived out God's plan just as she should have. Just because I think I know what the future holds, doesn't mean it is going to play out that way. I don't know, only God knows. I can't continue to be sad about missing out on something that was never written. She lived and she loved....boy did she love. How wonderfully she loved. But that is ok. We that are still here can still love, and we should love. I have so many wonderful people who are here with me still. That IS God's plan. I am blessed with the wonderful life I have. I can not miss out on any of it. I don't want any of you to miss out on any of it, so I am hoping that after this post I can continue to share with everyone the wonderful family and friends I have.

My mom was the best person I know. I love her still and I know she loves us still, just differently now, but different doesn't have to be bad. Family gatherings forever forward will be different, but I am going to try to see them for how wonderful they are and not judge them becuase they are not what I thought they would be. I'm sure I will roll through a thousand more emotions about this as time continues. But it will continue and so will I. So will my mom, just differently than I planned. None of this changes the fact that she was and is great. She is amazing and I hope I can find that in me and share it with my children again and again while I am here. I love you Mom. I would love to kiss your face again, but I will for now settle on remembering how your greased up, ready for bed, skin felt on my lips as I kissed you goodnight. I love those memories and hope I have them forever until I see you again. 

Trip to see Pan in Albuquerque, New Mexico

In May Madison had a class he had been wanting to take, and lucky for us the closest one was in Alburquerque, which just happens to be where my brother Aaron moved to in January. So road trip here we come!!! It all turned out suprisingly well. It was the longest trip to date with the girls, but they are such good car riders.....if there is a movie playing. The favorite for this trip was Annie and Bridge to Terebithia.

We loaded the girls up early....still in pj's and we were off. Lucky for us East Texas has some really nice rest stops with playgrounds. How great is that. We stopped off to potty, change into day clothes, a few times down the slides and back in the car.

Madison had me take a picture of this. He found it ironic that a Little Giant ladder is on top of a Mini Coupe.

After a long, but not bad day, we finally got out of Texas.....You can drive in Texas forever it seems before you reach the end of it! Whew!

When we got there, the girls were so excited to see their Paran Aaron....aka Pan!

He and Truly usually tease each other, but she was just tickled to be with him again.

Maisy and her Daddy on her first mountain hike

Well from the look on Truly's face we didn't really make it up the mountain because Truly was having none of it. We barely made it to the base.

So, since we didn't make the hike successfully, Pan treated us to a tram ride up the mountain. It was awesome up there!

Finally a smile on Truly's face

Oh, and look another one here too. Maybe it would be great if we could come back in the winter and use the ski lifts for real???

Friday morning was the first day of Madison's class, and me and the girls walked Madison to the hotel. We hung out for a while waiting for the smoothie shop in the lobby to open.

 

 

Pan headed to work and me and the munchkins hung out at his place. They wanted to have a picnic, so we went out on the balcony of the apartment and had a wonderful peanut butter and jelly lunch with cheetos. yummy. Even Monkey had a place at the table.

 Between the time change and too many days of being away from home, the girls finally crashed.....whew boy did they need it!

 For being a desert, we actually had some sort of shower 3 out of the 4 days we were there. This was the worst and was a pretty nasty hail storm.

Saturday, Pan treated us again. He first took the girls to a really cool park where they had a blast.

Then, it was off to the Children's museum. It was great fun until Truly decided she was way due for a nap and pitched a fit unlike any other....it was so bad her Pan had to leave us for a while....he's not so used to kids in the overly tired two year old phase....but honestly neither was I. It was grade A awful. I literally had to hold her down in my lap until she just passed out when we got back to Aaron's apartment.

The next day was Mother's Day and we had to head home. We were up and on the road early again. The older two passed out not long into the drive, but Maisy who had been sleeping well while away was up playing most of the trip. We made it to Fort Worth just at dinner time and stopped at a barbeque place for dinner. This is me and the girls waiting on our table.

This picutre was not from the trip, but a couple of days before we left. The girls had made Mother's Day gifts for me at school and Madison took a picture of them showing them off.

It was a quick, but really nice trip. The next day, back to work:(

Blast Through February, March, and April

Well, I'm hoping that as I look back through some of my pictures from the last several months I will remember what happened. Right now it is sort of a blur. I must have worked too many night shifts or something. The girls are continuing to grow and are really mostly sweet especially to each other....I know, amazing huh? Hope it lasts.

In the end of February Madison competed in the Cowtown Marathon. His second attempt at a full marathon and he did great. Not as well as he wanted, but he did super in our book and we had a blast cheering him on every step. Some great friends of ours Mary and Truman Abbe came watch with me and Mary took some great photos of us spectating.

 Our Sweet Truly

 Those eyes of Kegan's that you could almost see forever through

 And our precious Maisy who watched so patiently from her carrier all morning

 Here comes Daddy!!!

Go Daddy!!

What came next....hmmmm, maybe Easter? I don't think we did much exciting. We celebrated here. The Easter Bunny brought some really neat stuff and of course CANDY!!! 

Finally my own Marie. Thank you Easter Bunny!

Of course there were tiaras too!

Oh, and meet Tigger our new super kid friendly cat. He puts up with more abuse from the girls than I've ever seen before.

We were gazing at the clouds and the girls were telling me what they looked like

 Cheering Daddy on at the duathlon! Don't worry, that is Truly's happy face?

I layed down for a nap and I woke up with this situation next to me?

Kegan begged for a picnic, so we packed sandwiches and fruit for dinner and headed to the park. It was a great afternoon.

It can't all be healthy, even Maisy enjoyed her first taste of Krispy Kreme!

Ohhhh, and a trip to the zoo. We love our zoo membership.

Kegan and Jacob snuggling watching a movie.

The other, other man in Kegan's life, Nathan at the Easter egg hunt at school.

Truly happy to help Maisy with her bottle while Daddy drives

And then there is Kegan looking like such a big girl!

Oh, and on April 4th there was the tornado and this was some of the small hail piled up under a bush. All of the big pieces melted pretty quickly. It was kind of hot.